Husband Agrees

I got reminded to have a conversation with my husband regarding “until when will we try to conceive”? - this is after I commented on a blogher.com article referencing the same news about the new record on the oldest mother I mentioned yesterday. I told him about the thoughts that got triggered in my head.

DH agreed with the idea of having a limit, a stopping point although we both actually sounded upbeat and hopeful for the next steps in the next few months and years. We also clarified that that timeline included all infertility treatments and medical interventions.

I was a bit pleasantly surprised that DH was the one who brought up “what about adoption”? (Previously, I sensed some hesitation from him regarding adoption.) So I told him that we have not really, seriously talked about adoption. We will probably have that conversation one of these days.

DH did say the phrase I refused to use in yesterday’s post - “so we can move on with life”. I guess I was in denial yesterday by refusing to use that phrase. I was justifying to myself that I’m not putting my life on hold, I’m not holding my breath for the baby to come.

In one sense, I am on hold, we are on hold. We identified having a baby as one of our goals this year. (Haha…how corporate is that???) After relocating late last year, I could have gotten a great-paying job related to what I have been trained for and had experience for the last decade and a half. I’m glad though that I did not - all the unpredictable doctors appointments, ultrasound poking, blood draw galore, laparoscopy, raging hormones causing crankiness, emotions, fatigue, etc could have been just way too much for me if combined with a new job. So trying to conceive (spending) is taking precedence over getting a job (earning).

Also, if we were not trying to get pregnant and we were earning double our income, we could have more disposable income and be doing more “fun” stuff. In fact, one specific example that comes to mind quickly… we want to kayak or row along Austin’s Town Lake. We have not done it yet because:

1. it costs some money (not much really but it still is something that is over the budget right now)
2. I am a bit paranoid of maybe accidentally tipping over and ingesting dirty water…that could affect my health … that could further affect our chances of having a baby. I know, I know, the chances are slim. But I told you earlier, I am paranoid.

In another sense, I have not “paused” life. It has always been our dream that we earn income that will not tie us to one location. That way, we could be more mobile visiting friends all over the US, exploring the old world in Europe and being in missions. Big dreams, huh? Not being employed though is giving me an opportunity to explore and develop business ideas that I would not have the time or inclination to look into had I been “gainfully employed”. Just like our infertility journey, it is exciting and anxiety-filled. Exciting because I am learning a lot of new things, knowledge and skills. Anxiety-filled also because at times, I get to thinking when will I ever at least equal the compensation of having a job?

I’m rambling here… So back to my original line of thought…

We both believe that it is God who opens and closes wombs, whatever the age may be. He could use these doctors and medicines to “help” open the wombs but it is not for the doctors and medicines per se who could get us pregnant. God has a plan for us. He is in control.