The 2 Week-Wait is Over

BFN.

Big Fat Negative.

There I finally get to use that acronym. So officially, our first IUI attempt yielded a BFN. The home pregnancy tests were proven correct, that’s the good news.

I went in at about 10:30am for the beta-hCG. After running errands, I got home at about 2:00pm with no messages yet. I knew the clinic closes at 4:00pm, so I wondered if they were going to call me today. At 3:45pm when I still did not receive a call, I initiated the call as I was still hoping…. Anyhow, BFN confirmed by beta-hCG results. Bummer…

If it is BFN, do they really tarry in calling? If it is BFP, could it be that they excitedly call early? I guess I’ll never know.

At least, I can now stop putting in those progesterone plugs. Phew!

You Give and Take Away
Last Sunday, one of the songs at church was Matt Redman’s Blessed Be the Name. I love this song and I was prepared to rock it! Of course, it was upbeat! Before the Coda though, the worship leader interjected “here’s the part of the song that is sometimes difficult to sing” - and I knew it was not just musically, but also figuratively:

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

I just had to close my eyes to sing that part. Tears were welling in my eyes. A few were unstoppable and fell down. That coda just means a lot to me.

He gives fertility or takes it away.

He gives a pregnancy or allows it to miscarry.

He gives a baby or not.

All of these things, we cannot know. Yet one thing I know, He gives me a hope and a future. And so, my heart will choose to say, indeed, blessed is Your name!