My Feelings About IVF

In-Vitro Fertilization - I never thought we’d get this far.

I knew IVF was a possibility for us even we started TTC’in in 2004. Of course, I placed it in the backburner because there were still many protocols “below” (less invasive, less costly) that we could try before we needed it. By that time that we need it, I thought it would be straightforward to move forward with it since we would have been prepared by the previous protocols.

I’m finding now that DrH has recommended IVF as our next step, that it is not as easy for me to move forward with it. When K from the clinic told me that, I was downtrodden. We were sort of hoping, it would be another IUI round. I think I was in shock that I could not drill more questions any harder - as if my mind went blank. Blind-sided.

Perhaps because at first we thought we are going to have a child naturally (don’t we all?). Nope!
Then ok, maybe with clomid. Nope again!
Then, ok, maybe this time with injectables and IUI…

And we were really hopeful on the first IUI last month because:

• Now, my ovarian cysts are gone, gone, gone
• IUI will be more “precise” than doing it naturally.
• We have conceived naturally in the past

But Nope! Negative! Denied one more time.

Although, we have not decided on what the next steps are for us. I was more ready to give IUI another round because of:

• 2 reasons above (cysts are gone and we have conceived in the past)
• SA was low on the first day IUI (when I think the egg had the most chances of being fertilized)
• My research showed that IVF at my age was about 11-25% vs the 20-25% that DrH mentioned for IUI (of course, she mentioned the usual disclaimer “it depends upon the egg quality”).
• Much less cost than IVF

So there I was not knowing what to think, not knowing what to do next. I just knew that in about an hour, I had an appointment with the ladies from the church for a dinner at a nice restaurant.

What I Don’t Like About IVF
I was rebelling against the thought of IVF. I was marinating, stewing, boiling even… So much money for something that is not going to guarantee success! So much money for something that does not have a more significant chance for success! Hmpph! So I thought…

I was thinking already that we only have a budget for 1 IVF. What if it fails?

Then we will be eating up our Emergency Fund. What if the 2nd IVF fails?

Then we will be tapping into our retirement and investment money. What if a 3rd IVF fails?

Assuming we even have the emotional fortitude to go through 3 IVF cycles, I am thinking that at that point, we should stop.

Researching the Stats AGAIN
It’s amazing how after sulking, pouring out and surrendering to the Lord all my concerns, issues, questions, pleas - He gives peace and clarity.

I was prompted to research the IUI stats again and guess what? I saw what I was blind to see earlier. The limited self-published IUI data from a couple of clinics were 6-12% (for a 35 yo woman).

It was NOT 20-25%. Somehow that number which DrH mentioned during the IUI cycle stuck in my mind. So even if I was reading the same reports last Wednesday, the other numbers of 6-12% were not registering. This is a real case of “I was blind, but now I see”.

Conclusion: IVF is about 2x more successful than IUI.

So this all boils down to my conjectured reasons and money.

All that Anxiety for Naught….
I did all the research, all the math, all the fist shaking. And all I needed was a clear and peaceful mind that comes only from the Lord. He showed me once again that “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his of life?” is so very true. It’s a lesson that He’s constantly teaching me specially on this saga of becoming fruitful, this infertility journey.

So, what is the worst case scenario? If we don’t have a child of our own blood by the 3rd IVF, then we would have $45K less (which could have been used for “better” use), be another year older and be potentially a lot more pounds heavier.

I look at this now and it does not look too bad, actually.

Ask me again tomorrow.