Every Month Counts for the Infertile

A week ago, M from the IVF clinic mentioned that for a woman my age, “every month counts”. Well, for us not to “waste” 1 month, I should have had my baseline ultrasound last Friday 9:15am and started with BCP last Saturday (CD3)….

But how could we go last Friday when we only had one night (less than 12 hrs inclusive of 8 hrs of sleep) to prayerfully think through an IVF decision? We needed more time, of course!

For me, it was a process for us, albeit, a 2-day process. There was denial first (why won’t another IUI work?), then there was frustration (why didn’t the IUI work?), skepticism (will IVF chances be really better?) and then clarity (I can see clearly now that IVF has 2x higher chances!).

Although statistically, we call it “chance” or “probability”, it is my belief that it is the Lord who creates the child within our wombs. Or not. This I believe and accept. The acceptance does not make it less joyful or painful when it happens. But then, I know in the end, I know He has plans for me, “to give me a hope and future, plans to prosper me and not to harm me.”

So by Saturday night after all that struggle and acceptance, I told myself “I am ready for an IVF”. I have already planned in my mind to call clinic last Monday if we can still start this month despite it being CD5 already so that this month can still be “saved”.

When DH and I talked on Saturday evening though, he raised some questions that he believes we need to answer first. Aside from needing more information on how IVF works, the more important questions were of the ethical kind. We agreed that we want to be honoring God on our decision and thus need to look into our hearts for our motives and to look to God for guidance.

I realized that I was so on the go-go-go mode already (reminds me of Amy’s post as a rocket builder) and I have not even thought about those questions. There I go again, leading the way when I should be patiently yet joyfully be talking it out with the Lord for his guidance in the decision making. Perhaps that is why I have DH - to complement me in that aspect.

So, we are basically in the hold mode now. No decision yet but I am looking forward to the conversations towards and to the decision.

How about you? What were your considerations, concerns and fears? How did you go about your decision making whether or not to move forward with IVF?