IVF Indecision is a Decision
Written by Arpee on September 22, 2008 – 12:11 pm -I don’t even know if that title makes sense…. but it has been almost a 7-week break…
We have our consultation appointment with DrH on Tue. I hope she received the set of questions and I hope she has read them.
Meanwhile, I have a new friend (who turns out to be a fellow infertile) and she said that sometimes, less options are better. In our confusion and indecisiveness, I could relate to that because our choices are now boiled down to these 3 -
1. IVF
2. Adoption
3. Child-free
Narrowed down. And yes, there are still 3 options.
I heard something from someone that the “cure to confusion is action. Do something and fail. Or do something and succeed. It removes the ambiguity. Whether you fail or succeed, you are moving forward since you are eliminating alternatives.”
Should we do IVF for the increased probability (still a probability, still not a guarantee) of having our own biological child?
Should we go through what is humanly possible before we accept that our “only hopes” are to either adopt or to be childfree?
Should we make the decision to be child-free NOW (without trying IVF)? And save ourselves from heartbreak and the heavy financial burden? Should I resign myself to the “death of a dream” now?
My biggest fear for the last option is that I will regret not knowing whether we could have had our own child had we tried IVF. The many “what-ifs”….
We have decisions to make and we are vaccilating up to the last minute.
Tags: decision, indecision, IVF
Posted in Conversation, IVF, In Between Cycles, Infertility Learnings |
September 22nd, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I wish you the best with your decision. Even though E and I have decided not to talk about the IVF option yet, we started by separating ourselves and writing. We both responded to the prompt in 2013 (5 years from now), working backwards… Where do we want to be in 2012, 2011, 2010, etc? what do we want? It answered a lot of the questions that we had about each other.
Visiting from ICLW.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:42 am
I wouldnt reccomment going child free , especially since you are considering two other options with children in the picture. I dont know what would good for you emotionally though. …. for a time after losing my baby Joseph at birth i NEVER wanted to be/get pregnant…. because I didnt want to hurt again.. I wanted to protect myself… time changed things….
good luck on your choices!
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:13 am
We made our decision to try the adoption route because we no longer felt the need to keep pushing for a biological child but still wanted to try to become parents. It’s hard to balance things out. But if you need to know or you’re going to regret it later, I’d try again. Which ever way you go, I hope you find success.
September 23rd, 2008 at 1:43 pm
We struggle with these same decisions, but are not yet to the point you are. We are struggling with whether we even want to do treatment in the first place (for moral and financial reasons) without really yet knowing what our options are. I really love that quote about action/decisions. That is the conclusion I came to recently. In order for us to make a decision we have to DO something to find out more about what is going on with us. But alas, we are also dragging our feet.
Thanks for sharing
(ICLW)
September 23rd, 2008 at 2:08 pm
What a huge decision to make. I wish you the best of luck with trying to make it, and I wish you peace along the way.
Here from ICLW and I’ll be back to check in.
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:47 pm
I wish I had a magic wand to bring clarity and peace with your choices. I send you my best wishes. *IlCW*
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Personally we have chosen IVF and will continue to pursue it until it is no longer an option (or until we have success). Child-free is just not an option for me — and from what I’ve read of your blog in the past, it doesn’t really sound like the vibe I’ve gotten from you either. But I wish you the best of luck in making this next decision, and in that decision bearing fruit.
Take care.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:25 pm
I wish I had come to your blog earlier. We are making the same decision now. The plan is to start IVF in November and I’m all aboard. My husband is a little more skeptical about the process, the costs especially. Right now the big decision is whether just to pay for one or to pay for several in a shared risk scheme. We are out of pocket. Anyway I’ll be checking out your blog from now on. Nice to find someone going through the same thing.
ICLW
September 24th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Thank you, ladies, for all your hopes, wishes and prayers.
Liddy - Those writing exercises must be very cathartic while productive at the same time! Good for you!!!
Kim - how old are you? Just know that beyond 35, medical data has shown that women’s fertility starts to decrease. Just take note of that if you are near that age and want biological children.
Rachel and Baby Smiling In The Backseat - You know, I really love children. Although I want to have biological children, somehow the Lord has been working on me that both adoption and being child-free are starting to feel acceptable to me.
Echloe - All our IF treatments are out-of-pocket, too. So it does hurt the pocket.