Where is Wisdom Found?
DH and I are currently leading the Experiencing God study with a small group composed of MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL1, SIL2 and a couple friend, F1 and F2. In one of our previous lessons, we learned that God could speak through the church, so we “coveted” their prayers so they may be able to guide us based on what the Lord may impress in their hearts.
So 2 weeks ago, DH and I decided to ask them to specifically pray with us as we make decision regarding IVF although we know that they were already praying for us to have a baby.
DH was the one who spoke about it. He gave an overview of the what we are faced with. Their reactions were not what I expected.
MIL asked rhetorically why we had to go through IVF . SIL1 echoed a statement from our study “What I believe about God will determine what I do.” . Reading those statements now looks like they are harmless. However, what I perceived in their voice tones and body language were lacking grace. What I perceived was - we are not trusting God.
BIL and F1 had more open stances. BIL said that maybe in the future, IVF will be treated like the treatment of vaccines - initially, there were many, many questions. Now, it is a common practice void of any no moral and ethical questions. F1 only suggested that we might want to consult with a bioethicist so we can have any of our questions clarified.
I felt that with the little overview we gave them, we were immediately judged. So I had to interject and say that the reason why we are sharing this is to request for their prayers since as a church, the Lord deals with each one of us. I added that we are not asking for their approval and permission.
I have to say I was disappointed with what I saw in their reactions - specially the ladies.
Someone watching the discourse might think that I am overreacting to their reactions. DH did say he could understand their reactions since they did not know a lot about IVF and perhaps were operating under many misconceptions.
Which is exactly why I was disappointed in their reaction. Had they been in my position, I would be more graceful in inquiring.
The Lord pulled me aside though and later gave me this verse: “Pride only breeds quarrel, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”
I realized I was being prideful because I had researched this IVF topic extensively and here they are just getting less than 20 sentences in description and they are able to make a conclusion about it and about us in less than a few minutes. I thought that was being arrogant and judgmental. And of course, my pride was hurt!
Nevertheless, we did ask for their prayers in the hopes that the Lord speak through them as well on this IVF thing that we have been praying for some time. So I, we ought to be humble and ready as well to receive what they get from the Lord.
SIGH….
6 comments
It’s so hard talking to family about infertility. I always felt like I was giving 2/3 biology lecture and 1/3 what was actually happening with us. I really hope your MIL and SIL1 learn more about it so they can be more understanding and supportive in the future. Take care.
I agree with Sassy. I always feel like I am doing more of a lecture on reproduction and science. I do notice, however, that women who have no issues with IF sometimes seem to judge quicker than everyone else. almost like they are thinking that i am less of a woman because i cannot have babies “naturally.”
**hugs** april
The judgement that april talks about happened with me, too. It was harshest from the poeple who had an easy time conceiving. It felt like they thought less of me because I was having trouble. Anyway, I hope your famility is able to be more supportive in the future.
Here from ICLW
This is so hard. I’ve been dealing with this for awhile as I’ve been through 2 IVF’s and have been very open with everyone all through the journey. I know that judgement and it is painful - to me it feels like those who can have kids somehow think they know how to do it better.
Your decision to do IVF or not do IVF is between you, your DH, and God.
I know that for us, we really wanted to respect embryos, so we are testing eggs and only fertilizing the “normal” eggs, we are then only going to atteempt to fertilize as many eggs as we will transfer. I have had many m/c’s so I know that sometimes embryos don’t make it. So I am risking that some embryos miscarry outside of the body … heck if I wanted to, I could put back the floundering embryos if I wanted to.
IVF will challenge your ethics and morals. I think you’re doing the right thing by doing as much investigation as you have. I think that time and prayer and patience will help your family to understand too.
Talk with your pastor about it too. I am evangelical protestant (Covenant) and one of the pastor’s at my church, did IVF.
It is wise to seek counsel, so I think you’re doing the right thing. And pray, pray, pray … regardless of if you do IVF, even if you do … the ONLY one who will allow you to get pregnant with a baby that makes it to live birth is the Lord … and there’s no doubting that.
You’re just like a diabetic that needs a little insulin. Only you’re an infertile who needs a little FSH.
Big hugs sweety,
Polly
We also have been struggling with the same questions. It is hard to know what the “right” choices are. In the end they are your choices and between you and God. I hope you get your answers and will say a prayer for you.
(HUG)
ICLW
It’s hard to feel judged and not know the reactions of others we chose to tell.
It is between you and God I firmly believe.
Hang in there and keep praying.
Faith and Hope are eternal.Faith in yourself through the grace of God.Hope in solutions through answered prayers.
My prayer for courage and faith for you.
Here from IComLeavWe… (adoption,pregnancy loss, IVF twins)
My Little Drummer Boys
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